Please pray for four lives that ended too soon September 27, 2010

Early Sunday morning, September 26, 2010, a truck carrying four teenagers from Vandebilt Catholic High School in Houma, Louisiana crashed and took the lives of all four passengers. The teens (two boys, two girls) were nearly home while returning from the LSU football game in Baton Rouge Saturday night. The entire high school and community of Houma is struck and terribly saddened by the loss of these four young lives. Although it hasn’t been officially confirmed, it is suspected that alcohol may have been involved, or it may have simply been a case of the driver falling asleep at the wheel.

Grief counselors and other sources of support have converged on Vandebilt to assist the peers and families of the four lost teens.

Online article:  http://www.houmatoday.com/article/20100926/BREAKING/100929403

Although parents do their best to aid their children in the grief process, they often look for additional assistance and guidance. Being a faith community, it’s important that Vandebilt turn to the basis of their foundation for guidance. Mass has been said today in several neighboring Catholic parishes, as well as at Vandebilt itself. Many parish pastors, priests, nuns and lay ministers will most certainly a source of consolation and counsel.

Vandebilt Catholic High School, Houma, Louisiana (the high school I'm proud to call my alma mater)

http://www.vandebiltcatholic.org/home.html

Coping with the deaths of friends and family is overwhelmingly difficult for adults, but children and teens perceive this experience differently than grown-ups. I recall having a very unsettling, disturbing experience for weeks following the tragic death of a classmate just before the start of our senior year. The year after our graduation, we lost another classmate. It doesn’t make sense at all to reason about the deaths of young people so tragically just as their lives are beginning. We all remember the 1999 Columbine High School shootings, the 2007 Virginia Tech tragedy, and most recently, the tornado-caused disaster at Enterprise High School that took eight young lives. So much is senseless about these events, but in some cases, as perhaps in this Houma tragedy, the reality and deadliness of driving under the influence of alcohol or driving while overly tired are bitter lessons and realities to face.

Although Christians take comfort in knowing that there is a glorious, eternal life awaiting after death, coming to terms and facing their own mortality is very traumatizing for teens, and all the while they’re grieving the loss of a close friend or perhaps sibling.

What is your experience with the loss of a peer? Did you lose a classmate tragically (either to illness or injury) while in your teens? Has your own child experienced the loss of a friend?

As parents, we want desperately to comfort, reassure and give hope to our suffering child. Catholic/Christian resources and sources of counsel can be especially helpful at this time. Allowing and encouraging your child to grieve, to experience the seven stages of grief will be the most healthy, healing path to wellness and wholeness once again.

Please visit: http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

Although there are many resources to help parents and their children deal and cope with grief, one source of resources is Solace Tree, where you’ll find many sources for assistance and comfort as you and your child experience the painful, confusing stages of grief and loss.

Visit: http://www.solacetree.org/bookstore

 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

John 3:16

 

 

 

Heavenly Father, please welcome your children into your warm, loving arms where they shall spend eternity in glory praising your name. For the sorrowful friends and family members left behind, please also wrap them in your arms where you can comfort and remind them of your promise the of eternal life, where they will one day be reunited with their loved ones.

Amen.

Thank you Double Up Books! September 14, 2010

Welcome Double Up Books – The Premier Bookstore for Twins, Triplets & More … as the latest source to carry TWINS x 3!

Double Up Books specializes in books about twins and multiples for both parents and children. They’re the right place for the best selection of twins books, triplet books & more…

Double Up Books is a full-service twins bookstore featuring books about parenting and raising twins, twin and multiples pregnancy, breastfeeding twins and multiples, childproofing for twins, twin and multiples psychology, twin baby memory books and more!  They also sell a handpicked selection of parenting, family, relationships, home life and children’s books too!

Please visit: http://www.doubleupbooks.com

to browse, shop and check out all the amazing books and products for families of multiples!

Amy’s Miracle September 13, 2010

Amy kisses Anna

Meet Amy, a 33-year-old Jacksonville mom of three beautiful children who I heard about through a mutual friend. In early 2010, Amy and her husband Shannon discovered that they were going to have twins to add to their already 2 children, Amanda and Shannon, Jr. During her sixth month of pregnancy, something went terribly wrong. She was hospitalized because of severe, painful coughing, and the doctors soon discovered that, while pregnant, Amy had developed a very rare form of cancer called Choriocarcinoma. Because her illness became immediately life-threatening, both babies were delivered. Although she lost one of the babies, baby Anna (born at just 2 lbs.) survived and has presently reached approximately 4 lbs. Amy is still very ill and in the hospital being treated for her illness, and until recently was on life support.

Please go to Amy’s blog, read her story, and reach into your heart to help support this amazing family with a donation of any amount.

This family needs our prayers and support for many months to come. Let’s be there for them.

Visit: http://amysmiracle.com

Thank you, and God bless you all!

We MUST NEVER forget September 12, 2010

God Bless America!

I remember watching it all happen live while at home with my not-quite 2-year-olds.

I immediately wanted my husband and first-grade daughters HOME so we could all be together. I was heart-broken for the families whose lives changed forever that day, and knew that we’d NEVER FORGET!

(New York, my home state)

It’s anything goes Friday! Come on, pick a topic and let’s go with it … September 10, 2010

Mommy, why is the floor wet?

Quick update on potty training Sean and Ben … In one word: STUBBORN!!!!!!! I say this because they have both proven that they can do it. They know what to do, they know how to do it, they know how to talk about it, they know what the potty is for, they know what diapers are for (and no longer for), they know that they’ll get M&Ms after they wee-wee or poo-poo on their potties, they decided that the M&Ms just aren’t worth the time and effort to stop playing with their trucks and airplanes, they know that Mommy is trying to be patient, and they know that they are making Mommy a little more nutty each time she has to clean up the floor when they refuse to stay ON the potty for more than 30 seconds …

(Me:) “Ben, do you have to go wee-wee?” … (Ben:) “Nooooo.” … (two minutes later) … (Ben:) “Mommy, my pull-up WET!”

(Sean:) “Mommy, I need go poo-poo!!” … (Mommy:) “Good boy, Sean! Let’s go sit on the potty!” … (Me, again:) “No, Sean, you didn’t NEED go poo-poo, you already WENT poo-poo!”

((SIGH)) So, this is where we are at the moment.

variety of ages, variety of stuff

FURTHER TOPICS (yes, please!!):

— (families) Mom going back to work after baby(ies)

— (toddlers) The challenges of moving from crib(s) to bed(s) with rail(s)

— (grammar-schoolers) Santa Claus?

— (teens) Keeping connected with them as they develop more independence

Please share your ideas, suggestions, stories and questions!

Thank you all so much!

Maintaining controlled chaos! September 7, 2010

With a large family, there are many aspects of “keeping it together” that need to be maintained on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. While I no longer insist that the entire house is in complete order as I once did before I had children, it is important to me to keep on top of the daily tasks and finances in order to keep our home and lives running as smoothly and as organized as possible! I’ve been asked on occasion if it’s possible to maintain an organized home with lots of kids. Honestly, some days don’t run as smoothly as I’d like, but for the most part, we all pitch in so that we all benefit from our team efforts.

Here’s how we manage to keep our heads on straight:

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the kitchen ...

1– Stay on top of daily chores: Keeping on top of the never-ending laundry, the ongoing kitchen work with meal prep and clean up, keeping the pantry and refrigerator stocked with the meals for the week ingredients as well as basic staples, paying the bills and keeping up with the checkbook register simply are musts. But do I do it all on my own? Of course not!

2– Delegate: In our home, our four older kids each have a list of jobs to do around the house that are clearly posted in the kitchen for all to read and refer to. Our older girls are required to take turns with dinner dishes and folding two large loads of laundry per day in addition to their homework. The middle set of twins are expected to keep their rooms in order as well as the upstairs loft which they all share to play games, computer work, homework and TV-watching.

3– Divide up tasks over several days: I try not to feel like it all has to be done everyday. I’ll spread the work out over a few days. For example, I’m content that the bathrooms get thorough cleanings (Mondays), vacuuming (Wednesdays), and dusting (Thursdays), which all get done once a week. The kitchen floor may not get completely mopped each day, but it requires sweeping and spot-washing several times a day.

Kiss-kiss everyone ... have a good day!

4– Communicate/Post Schedules: As for the children’s after-school activities, as schedules seem to constantly change, we communicate daily as to who needs to be where and when. A large, erasable calendar has been recently posted for all to see showing Brandon’s baseball schedule, Erin’s dance and soccer schedule, and the two older girls’ dance team, drama club, social activities and other school club meeting dates. My 8-seater van shuttles everyone all over the place, but I also have a carpool arrangement with another family. Right now, I have four kids in three different schools, and it’s a real challenge making sure that everyone gets to and from their activities daily.

5– Be money-conscious: Since adjusting from two to one income, our family has really had to tighten our finances, which is no easy thing to do. We’ve consolidated some credit cards and are sticking to a very tight budget. Our motto is: if we don’t have the cash for it, we don’t buy it. I plan out the dinners for a week and stick to those ingredients so that I’m not tempted to buy lots of extras. I take advantage of sales, coupons and have gone to second-hand stores for kids clothing, etc. I believe that living this way is teaching our children to appreciate what we have and to respect the costs of daily life.

5– Take care of yourself: When the busy day full of home care and shuttling is over, find an outlet to relax. I actually exercise in the evenings, followed by a hot shower or relaxing bath. Some evenings I run out to meet a friend for coffee and dessert or a movie. I also love to go to movies all by myself, allowing myself to get immersed in a good love story or comedy. After having the chance to take a break, I’m a much happier wife and mom!  🙂

You know, people say to me all the time, “Fran, I don’t know how you do it!” And often I’ll answer, “Some days I do, and some days I don’t!” And that’s the truth … some days go as smoothly as a well-oiled machine, and other days seem to be fraught with a hundred little fires that need to be put out one by one, just like most families experience daily!

I think the best advice is to delegate and accept help, take care of yourself, and above all, don’t try to do it all on your own!

Thank You FM KSER and AM KKZZ! September 1, 2010

A quick shout out to Sondra Santos on KSER 90.7 FM in Everett, Washington for allowing me to chat with you on Thursday August 26th during your morning show: Sound Living. It was such a pleasure talking with you!

A big thanks also to Coach Ron Tunick of KKZZ AM 1400 in Ventura, California for inviting me back on to talk last Friday night, August 27th on your fabulous show, The Business of Life. I always enjoy visiting with you because of your easy-going manner and your sincere interest, which make for a very enjoyable and engaging interview experience! Let’s do it again in a couple of months!!

Visit: kser.org and am1400coach.com more information.

Be an advocate for your child! August 29, 2010

There’s no question that we as parents love our children. However, with such fast-paced lives today, it’s become all too common for parents to expect “the village” to assist in the raising their children. In other words, many depend on their child’s teachers, coaches, daycare workers, camp leaders, and so on, to do much if not most of the teaching and guiding. These other authorities in the child’s life, although valuable, do not have the emotional connection nor his very best interests at heart as would his own parent.

In order to truly be assured that our children’s experiences in school, camp, sports teams, and in everyday life outside our homes are as positive as possible, it is vital that we as parents do our best to be their advocates.With twins, it’s important to address each child’s interests separately because, fraternal and identical twins alike, will choose different activities to pursue. If a set of twins is in the same class or on the same team, make sure that their teachers, team captains or coaches not treat them as a pair, but see them for their individual strengths, weaknesses and talents that can be beneficial to the class or team.

With school now back in session (or to begin shortly), I try to follow a few rules of thumb when it comes to advocating for my children, as I’ve done for the previous 10 years. I find that these tips have proven, and wanted to pass them on to you:

1.  Involve yourself in your kids’ activities:

•  Attend parent/teacher conferences (both generally-held and individual) and demonstrate your sincere interest in and complete commitment to your child’s success while you spend one-on-one time with your child’s teacher.

•  Connect positively with teachers by showing respect for them, so they may in turn, show respect for you and your child.

•  Meet your child’s sports team coaches and establish a rapport with them. Allow them to see you at the sporting events such as the ball games and track meets. When they see your commitment and your consistent presence, they will see your child in a positive light, as well.

2.  If a negative issue arises, be the first to initiate a solution, and approach it maturely.

•  Show your child’s teacher that you understand that your child may have done wrong, and that you’ll take steps to make sure that it doesn’t happen again, whatever the problem may be.

•  If your child was misunderstood, wrongly accused, or in the “wrong place at the wrong time”, it is important that you get the complete and honest story from your child, then initiate a meeting with the authoritative party to get to the heart of the problem. Present yourself with dignity, maturity and without confrontation. There’s a reason why the old adage still holds true today that “you can lure a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar”.

3. It is very important that your child knows that you believe in her, support her, and will always “have her back”.

•  Whether the outcome of a difficult situation results in favor or in opposition of your child, let her know that you will never abandon her, that you believe and believe in her, and are proud of the way that she handled a difficult experience, regardless if she was or was not at fault to begin with.

For some valuable questions to ask at your child’s next parent-teacher conference, please visit:

http://school.familyeducation.com/parents-and-school/parent-teacher-conferences/38586.html

… And please stay tuned for an upcoming post on Becoming an Advocate for your Learning Disabled Child.

Today’s Drawing Winner: WENDI LANE! August 21, 2010

CONGRATULATIONS  Wendi Lane!

Your name was drawn from the many post comments made on Twinning Attitude over the past few weeks.

Wendi has won a free, signed copy of TWINS x 3, and it will be delivered to her home this coming week!

Wendi … look for an email from me shortly!

THANK YOU SO MUCH for your much-appreciated posts on TWINNING ATTITUDE!

Potty training twins … oh the joy of it!

Don’t we wish potty training was as CUTE as it looks?

So, my twin boys are 34 months old, and I’ll be the first to admit that, being so busy and distracted with a slew of other pressing issues going on in our family, I’ve probably not been as diligent, committed and focused on potty training as I should be. About a week ago, that all changed when, with my four older kids back in school, I’d made the commitment to concentrate and devote the next few days (and probably weeks, but hopefully not months) to getting the job done!

As the mom of three sets of multiples, I’m often approached with statements like, “You’ve already successfully potty trained two sets of twins, and are now on your third … you must be a PRO … so, what’s the trick to potty training multiples?”

My first response is to say that each of my sets of twins have consisted of children who are very different from each other. Referring to them and perceiving them always as a “set”, or a collective of two little people who should be expected to behave and fit into the same mold as the other, is an incorrect assumption. We as moms of twins know already, even identical twins are complete individuals. With that said, I recall my first set of twins (my girl/girl set) having one (Lauren) being completely ready and compliant by 22 months. She showed the readiness signs of expressing her dislike of wet/soiled diapers, demonstrating an understanding of using the potty, and having dry diapers for longer periods. She also was very verbal at that point and could express her desires and understand instructions quite well. Her twin Kathryn, however, was simply not into it at all, and regardless of her sister’s accomplishments, rewards, and “big girl pretty panties”, just wasn’t interested until she hit 2 and 1/2, at which point, she was ready and basically went from diapers to training pants to cotton panties in the course of a week! I believe that ultimately, Kathryn witnessing Lauren’s successes and rewards did play a part in her decision to “get with the program”, so I do believe that a level of peer pressure is a plus! The gap of time that existed between each child’s completion of the process allowed me to focus and concentrate on one child at a time, which was a plus for me. It also allowed for some one-on-one bonding between myself and each of my daughters, one at a time.

My second set of twins are a boy and a girl. Erin would often imitate her older sisters … a REAL PLUS there! By the time she was between 22 and 24 months, she was very into pretty big girl panties like her sisters wore. Encouraging her to sit on the training potty, understanding and enjoying Elmo’s “I Can Go Potty” book, and rewarding her after her successful visits was almost too easy. She, like her big sisters, showed the emotional and physical readiness signs of graduating from diapers to panties, and by the time she was 26-28 months, she was done. Training pants were used at night, but those didn’t last too long with her either, as she would wake up dry and ready to visit the potty upon getting up. Of course, there were often some middle-of-the-night visits, too. Now, Erin’s twin Brandon’s potty training process was a completely different story all together! Although we encouraged him to sit on his own potty, and rewarded him with his successes along the way, he simply decided that the thrill was gone after a few weeks, and decided to regress almost completely after he’d demonstrated his readiness and we’d thought he was just about trained. Ultimately, Brandon was 3 and 1/2 before we could consider him finally potty trained. He was NOT HAPPY as he watched his poo-poo flush away, so we told him that it was probably a fun thing, like going down a water slide! At that point, he decided to say with each flush: “Bye-bye poo-poo, have a good ride!”

Forcing, bribing, coercing, threatening, punishing … of course, were completely ineffective, so we learned and concluded that no matter how many children you have, and regardless of the fact that as a parent, you basically handle situations in the same manner each child, the INDIVIDUAL child is going to be ready, willing and able only WHEN he or she is ready, willing and able.

Benjamin and Sean have been demonstrating the readiness signs for quite some time, and although they’re well-acquainted with their own Mr. Potty, seem to understand and enjoy Elmo’s potty book, have actually both been successful at wee-wee-ing in their potties so far, are simply not consistent, probably because Mommy hasn’t been consistent enough.

My goal is now to have my “very ready, but disinterested” toddler sons potty trained soon. I’ll let you know how it’s going in the next couple of weeks. Hopefully, but then, I’ll be reporting that we’ve rounded the bend and are on our way to total completion!

Stay tuned, and in the meantime, please visit these very helpful websites that I’ve turned to (which I didn’t have access to fingertips 13 and 9 years ago!)

My friend, Pam Fierro writes for About.com, as an expert on twins. Here is her advice on potty training twins, which I intend to utilize! http://multiples.about.com/od/pottytraining/tp/pottytrainingtwins.htm

Two other great site for tips: http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/A-Potty-Training-Techniques.html

and Mayo Clinic’s source: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/potty-training/CC00060

The BEST reward of all!

Good luck and God Bless!

I wish all of you the best of success you endeavor to potty train your multiples!